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Why You’re Stuck – Reason #4 – You’re Not Being Honest Enough With Yourself

This post is part 4 of the “Why You’re Stuck” series of blog posts. You can read parts 1, 2 and 3 here.

I get it, you’re a spirituality conscious person. You know that your thoughts create things, that what you focus on expands and that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. And it’s because of this you don’t want to entertain your ‘lower’ or ‘negative’ thoughts. You know the ones I mean – the ones that trigger your fears and insecurities. You’re scared to go there in case you attract more unwanted things to you or worse still, sink into a deep abyss of misery never to be heard of again!

The problem is whether you admit they’re there or pretend they’re not, they still exist. If anything, your downright refusal to go there is a type of collusion with the very thing you seek to avoid; you’re actually making sure that it continues to have a grip on your life. And this grip squeezes all of the joy out of your life making it increasingly harder to function at the level you need to live the life you want to live.

“What you resist persists, and what you face disappears”

Feeling stuck is being in one place but wanting to be in another and not feeling like you’re getting anywhere with that. Oftentimes what is keeping you stuck is a refusal to face where you are right now and deploying various tactics to run away from yourself.

**Newsflash: The way forward is through your current situation not around it, aka avoiding it.**

You’ve got to be honest with yourself about your issues and challenges. You even have to feel the pain of these challenges fully to be able to move on. Believe it or not, it’s actually not allowing yourself to feel the pain that’s keeping you stuck. The pain itself is NEVER as bad as the fear of the pain. If there’s an area of your life you are unhappy or disatisfied with, you have to face up to how unhappy or disatisfied you are with it. Not to wallow in self-pity but to move past it. Slapping a plaster of positivity over the situation does you out of an opportunity to heal a wound that will come up over and over again until healed.

A common pitfallfor us spiritual folks is to use a spiritual cliche or saying to justify our resistance and avoid feeling what we are going to great lengths to avoid (mostly unconsciously I must add). This is a signal that you are Spiritual Bypassing – your ego is using your spirituality to justify not doing the deeper work necessary to heal the deep-seated emotional wounds that stop you connecting with, and living from, your True Nature.

Here are some of the common ways that we are not honest enough with ourselves that keeps us stuck:

Not speaking plainly and clearly

I often see clients speaking with a whole lot of jargon and not getting to the point of what they are feeling or wanting. They beat about the bush having trouble stating what it is they really want in simple terms. It’s like they’re trying to be politically correct or something, like when instead of saying someone’s short you say they are ‘vertically-challenged’. If you’re feeling broke and want more money, admit that so you can move on to actually doing something about it. But when you fraff about saying things like “I want to attract the financial abundance into my life that is my birthright as the powerful creator I am” I’m suspiscious! Usually that person is more energetically connected to being broke than attracting financial abundance anyway and no overly convoluted statement does anything to change that. Cut to the chase, say what you want and be honest about the pain of not having it so you can move on.

Hiding behind love

This is when you are pretending things aren’t bothering you and that you send love and light to the situation/person even though the rest of us can clearly see and hear your seething resentment, anger and frustration. Love is not an avoidance tool and the most loving thing you can do for yourself is admit youre angry, scared etc is feel it, find the gift and then move on. Love is then the natural next step, not some forced ‘should’. It’s admirable that you want to come from a loving place and continue to hold that desire. Be truly loving to yourself first and then it becomes a piece of cake to be loving to others. Being loving to yourself is to admit that you have these feelings of resentment and love yourself for it anyway. Try it!

Adopting a Spiritual ego

True spiritual consciousness is not simply swapping one mask for another, like the rebel mask for the good girl mask. Wearing any mask, even a spiritual mask, is ego and therefore limited. Being spiritually conscious is about conneting and coming from the space behind the masks. Personalities, personas and images are ego. See the sub-personalities for what they are and you will see you for who you are, the awareness. Be the presence that has the space to hold all the facets of your humanity and others’ without judgement but with compassion.

Defensiveness

Justifying, rationalising and making excuses for where you’re at whether it’s because of your spouse, family, work or even health actually allows those things to keep you stuck. Whenever you are over-explaining things you’re in the grip of your ego, which means you are feeding it and strengthening it to work in a way where it is your master not how it’s supposed to be, in service to your True Nature. True Nature doesn’t leak power like that, it doesn’t need anyone’s approval and is happy just to be itself so doesn’t feel the need to make itself understood by others with words.

Self-medicating

Whether it is through food, drugs, alcohol, work, sex, exercise – the list goes on, there are many ways to numb the pain so you don’t have to feel it. However just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean it’s gone. In fact medicating it makes it worse, it then becomes like an undercover agent covertly sabotaging your plans all the while, you have no idea what’s happening.

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2 Responses to Why You’re Stuck – Reason #4 – You’re Not Being Honest Enough With Yourself

  1. Lola says:

    Thanks Jo, thought provoking was my intention so intention achieved then – hurrah! :D

  2. jo says:

    Great post Lola – really thought provoking

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